Haiiii, it’s me. You know…the one who peed on you…and your sleigh…and your plastic reindeer friends…sorry about that. But please don’t be mad. I mean, the humans did place you and your crew right in my pee patch. Anyway, this isn’t about that. I’m actually reaching out to you because I need a favor.
It is to my understanding that you have a…list; one that defines people as “naughty” or “nice” based on their behavior this past year. And to be honest…I don’t really understand how a plastic statue in my pee patch has a list that divides billions of people around the globe but I’m trying out this thing where I’m not an asshole, so I’m not going to question it. I guess I shall call it…ugh…Christmas magic. Forgive me, I just puked a little.
Anyway, I’m trying to be nice because I have a feeling that, if you even include canines on your so called “lists”, I am definitely on the naughty one.
After a little look back at my 2019, I realized that I’ve done a few…nasty things. Like, I’ve farted a few times, and let the family blame it on someone else without saying anything. And yeah, I’ve ripped up a few shoes and licked a few plates after people walked away. And I am fully aware that I threatened to destroy the mailman, and his family, a few times. But! I truly am a good boy. I basically do the jobs of three humans, for free. I am security, animal control and a friend for my lonely owner.
Look, I realize this blog doesn’t really help me out, I mean 90% of it is me complaining about the human race, but you have to understand I did it for my owner (and my fans).
Okay…um…do you take bribes? Is that inappropriate to ask? I mean, I don’t have any money but…you like celebrities? I know the guy who plays Sandy in Annie on broadway! And I know the chihuahua from the original Legally Blonde movie. Okay…fine..the alternate for Legally Blonde 2. I forgot that you know everything.
Listen, I can pay you the whole $1,000 my brother spent on new comforters this year. And I’ll fart a lot and tell everyone it was me..I won’t even act surprised when it happens. I will do anything, Santa; because my Christmas wish this year is very important.
You see, my request this year is unlike any other I’ve had. It’s even more important than that abundance of cheese I ask for each year and never get. (Still waiting on that by the way. Your elves must really suck if they don’t know how to build an abundance of cheese). Anyway…back to being nice. To be honest, I don’t want toys, I don’t want treats, and I definitely don’t want my owner to gift me more ugly hats.
Six years ago, I was picked up by Animal Control, wandering Brooklyn as a homeless stray. At only 5 months old, my boney figure and bad case of cherry eye made it clear to them that I was barely getting by. Then, after a stay in their facility for a night, I caught a nasty cold and was excluded from the shelter’s adoption program. I was ultimately put on the path to euthanasia.
Fortunately for me, another rescue saved me before my time was up, and then my family adopted me. I was given a second chance, and without that, I would have never met the most important thing in my life: cheese. And that’s why this year I want an abundance of cheese.
Okay fine..so basically I was adopted, it changed my life, blah blah blah, and it kind of made me sad to think that not everydog has a home like I do. Even sadder than that time I realized I couldn’t scratch my butt with my back leg.
This year, I need to be on the nice list, because my Christmas wish is for all of my friends to find a home.
(Oh, that and an abundance of cheese).
Lex the Puggle
Note from Lyla-
We can all admit Lex’s Christmas wish is pretty big. Let’s help him out a little and adopt, don’t shop this year. If you’re thinking about taking a furry companion home this Christmas season, visit your local rescue or shelter. If you’re unsure of any, the internet is here to help! Here are just two of many great search platforms:
And if you’re not looking to adopt but still want to help, here is a great article detailing other ways you can help your local rescue/shelter. And, for those who don’t have too much time on their hands, here is the article we wrote a few months ago on a few great rescues you can support just by following and sharing adoption listings on social media.